Pathetic

I feel sad because I did something bad today. I was dissapointed and I told him that. It was quiet pathetic. I have always tell myself to control my emotion. I have failed today ... I don't want to fall into the deep hole again. I know when I fall, I can't get up so easily. Therefore, I will have to do every small thing in detail.

Here By Me

Came across a good song.. Did not mean anything by the lyrics I pasted here..

Here By Me - 3 Doors Down

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you

And everything I have in this world
And all that I'll ever beIt could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

I can’t take another day without you'
Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
But everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
All that I'll ever beIt could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me
As the days roll on I see
Time is standing still for me
When you’re not here
I’m sorry I can’t always find the words to say

Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your lovex2
And everything I have in this world
And all that i'll ever be
It could all fall down around me
Just as long as I have you right here by me

happy happy ~

It was a happy day on 27th Oct. The day started till climax in the noon and slow down in the night. I was touched by the kindest people around me.. I received greetings from my high school friends, coursemates, university friends, other friends, colleagues, relatives, sisters, and parents... They are just to marvelous for remembering my birthday. I have a lil bit of empty space in my heart for something else. Happy happy~

My sis tummy is filled with a living thing.. haha.. it's a girl.. we have been shopping for her needs on last Wednesday. She got her toddler's "car", comforter, clothes, and others.. so many things..

Advanced celebration :)

Thanks to my buddy aka Sushi for organizing an early celebration for my birthday. I am going to turn 24 next week.

I was told that we are going to Tambun, and my intelligent brain whispered to me that it would be seafood *wink wink*. Kitty asked to go with the rest first and my first reaction was, how can it be? Am I not supposed to be the VIP? VIP doesn't go first.. Haha.. This then has become Kitty's joke of the day. The S[SJ] had already standing still down at the lobby with their usual soft spoken chat when I arrived. By the way, we are taken to the place in Chicken Lil's superb four wheel Toyota Corollla 1.6. The communicated map has brought us to Holland but our marvelous combinacated EQ route us back to the right lane. We followed the sign board Klinik Batu Kawan and reached there the earliest. The other two cars which is chauffeur by our two gentlemen arrived 20 hours later.. Haha.. This time, our dedicated team member of the Hot&Spicy Chicken Wing did not manage to make it because she got to have candle night dinner with her spouse. Anyway, Chicken still having a good time and played with Chicken Lil's friend.

See ? I was having a good time surrounded by the handsome and charming colleagues.

and pretty ones!!

Kitty ordered 7 dishes; but she was triggered later on by our giant eating appettite that this portion of food was not enough to feed the 14 of us. We were later added another 3 dishes and on of them is Chicken's favaourite soft shell crabs.

I reminded them about the birthday cake before it ended. Smart me... It was a chocolate melted on cheezy and some choc creamy ingredients. See the name? It is my cake.

Thanks to CCW for the special hand drawn birthday card. I was so stupid not to detect the "I Love You" sentence on the card. Haha.. Kitty and the rest claimed it is there.. only smart people can read it.

Oooh.. Oooh.. Oooh..

I almost hang over due to the work loads. It is a never ending work. I do spend some time everyday to think about the sweet things that occured during the day. Today I have not yet recall any. Sunday was somehow special.. I was out there searching for something to give to her next week. Almost everyone would not be around during the special holiday. I cancelled my plan to take leave because I wanted to be here to settle the work before I depart for Phuket on the week after. Yesterday in the meeting, when my boss asked me to give some updates on synthesis.. I had lined up every details that I wanted to inform the team members. Erm, and when he asked for the last item I want to tell it there, my heart was beating fast. I said; "This is quite important actually, I am going for vacation on WW45.1 and WW45.2, and SJ also won't be around". My boss typed in his meeting notes: Oooh...Ooohh..Oooh... Shit.. It is supposed to be my first official synthesis run. I am really disspointed on the date we booked the vacation plan. It is out of the original schedule because the project schedule is pushed out. Now I just hope that what I wish will come true..

PHUKET, I AM COMING !!!

death

Some one dear of my friend had passed away and the term death click my brain. Therefore, I searched what death means in wikipedia and I got this:

Death is the end of life, the full cessation of vital functions in a biological organism. It is generally considered a permanent state in the field of biology, and all living things are believed to eventually die, whether through natural causes such as disease, or unnatural ones such as accident.

After reading through the small tiny details on how dying process would be and what is it that caused death, I can conclude that death is declared when the electric activity in the brain is ceased. Doctor called it a biological death or brain death.

I always feel terrified to go to funeral because I associate death with ghost or terrible thing. But then the time my grandma passed away, I feel differently. I walked to the coffin and looked at her. I saw her face, I can recognise her kind face but with paler colour. At that time, I feel the warmth in the family rather than scared. I last saw her on Chinese New Year year 2003 if I recalled correctly. She left us on just a few days after chap goh meh. Yeah, she survived till the end of the new year. I feel proud of her because she did not show us any bad sign during our visit. She is a very independent lady and she is the one who brought up all the children, eight of them.

Lantern

I am disspointed after hearing the complicated relationship happens around a friend of mine. Maybe the person whom I feel is a good man isn't that good either. Probably the qualities that he posses makes him feel great. I don't blame on them. Last week was mid autumn festival.. 15th day of 8th month. Anyhow, i feel ok on the festival.

A pair of pink heel for RM39.90

Today I was browsing the friendster page and found out that my darling sister has grown into such a pretty young lady. She posted some MedBall pictures in her photos : http://www.friendster.com/13338269 . I guess her partner does not look ugly either, Kevin boy.. :P I never see him in real person before but from what I see from her pictures, he is a decent guy. Today I had lunch with my ex-eating-mates. But lately we don't see each other so often anymore and my roomie isn't with us. It is all started when I wanted to go buy some groceries. Before reaching Sunshine, I stopped at Kg. Jawa petrol station to pump air into my flatten by 5% tyres. After squatting and wondering around under the hot sun for 10minutes, I was hold back by the weather. No more groceries .. and thus I headed back to my just like heaven room. But then, I realised I have not fill my stomach yet. First thing in my mind is of course them.. therefore I called one of the "W". The important thing I wanted to stress here is I failed. I bought a pair of heels after strolling along the corridor for less than 15 minutes. Maybe today I was supposed to work at home and I was fined RM39.90 for not staying in my room but go out spending. Now I am too tired to continue.. and doze off soon.. chao..

Whisper to my love ones

According to him, I changed a lot. The first thing ping my head is "Am I changing from an ugly duckling into a swan?". Damn.. I don't know I potrait this kind of image. But it is true, something inside me change.. and physically too. Maybe I don't look so kiddy anymore. It is a different stage of life now. I am emerging into the mature lady type. It isn't a bad thing. As he said i look attractive from every different angle. I know he is such a sweet talker, therefore i am ignoring most of his words. Don't let him know this. Haha. Probably yesterday's conversation is the best i had in few months time. He is so attentive to my needs and so caring. How could I resist not to smile the whole day even though my day has not been this tired in previous time. I hope kindness can empowered me a happy life. I understand the people around me treat me well. I appreciate what they have done for me. I am happy for Ling's on her new baby boy, Poh for her wedding next year and my sis for the kicking baby in her stomach and growing. We are all worried for her as she had a little trouble on her new member of the small family. She resigned, I know it was a very hard decision for her as she left what she had gained for working so hard. It is hard for me to get contact with the other one isolated in australia. She is busy there, with her study. I have passed my mommy's message to her today. At last after five years waiting, she got her chance to fix her teeth.. But the lousy goverment is really not doing their job well. It is too far from her now. She can't take the offer anymore as the distance is really a problem. yvonne is having her PMR exam now. I wish she can be calm in all her papers. It is the most important thing. I love her and Hong a lot. I am sorry for forgetting hong's 17th birthday. I did celebrated with her on my last trip home. I treated her japanese lunch with a necklace as the special present. Mom has been keeping stuff bout dad from me. I know she don't want me to worry. But it is really worrying. He fell, but luckily we had the chinese sensei in house now. bro in law is really good in this kind of stuff as his dad is the real traditional sensei. He applied the knowledge he has on dad and the outcome is really superb. Everyone is far away from me, but the connection is still tight. I miss them and I miss the moments at home .. Mommy really loves me ... and so do I..

My watch is fixed!!

It is already more than a week I did not update anything here. Maybe the days were too gloomy and I need time to get used to them. A handful of bliss came from friends held me up during the hard times. I have a lot trainings and meetings lining up the whole week. Even the work loads get more and more everyday. I am exhausted but I have the determination to do my best. I love my job and friends (*almost all). I will not leave them if not being forced to. Yeah...force.. But I am forced along the journey. I smiled to feel better when at the same time, it was such a bitter inside. The penne aren't bad at all. I guess the chef now in her mind marks me as greedy girl who eats a lot. I controlled my appetite when the food is little. As the penne was prepared in a big portion, i decided to finish them at the same time, showed the host my true colours :) Forgive me host and thanks for the warm treatment. I smelled fish in the room today. Maybe it came from outside, probably the toilet. My roomie is in happy state lately.She has returned me the capital I lend to her few weeks back. I feel it is coming back.. :) By the way, the watch which is spoiled some time ago is fixed. A friend brought the watch back to small town Taiping and request the old servant with magnifiying glass to fix the tiny thing. He claimed that the watch component is rusty. I guess it because the watch has no water resistant feature. Probably the rain is the reason to the watch's tragic. Yeah, it has some kind of memory for me.. I keep it because it is a beautiful ticking thing, not because of the memories. It costs me rm58 to fix it, ok? haha..