friday 23rd june 2006

the sky is blue but my heart is pink.i am flattered by the smile.. the wrong feeling stopped by again which i will surely fall hard afterwards. just hope that the sweet moment stays forever. i am confused. will the history repeats? i am worried. will the world collapsed? it happened once, i am back on my feet now, and it is not easy. there are roses around and attract butterflies. i look at one of them and spotted my favourite butterfly. the wings are poisonous. i feel weak and uncontrolled.. darn..

bully

i am so weak that i feel bullied all the times. i wanted to explain but people don't care what i want to say. the reason is i speak not loud enough. people misunderstand me all the while. i am happy i have friends that stay with me all the while..

smile

smile broaden.. i am satisfied.. yeah, what I've dreamt so far has came true. Maybe when a person don't place high hopes on something, he will get what he wants..we are all humans. i can accept what people are and i hope people can accept what i am. shit, i am talking more like an old lady giving lectures despite an early 20 years old lady. i announced a term i used to refer myself as: mature young lady. yes, we are. at this age, i consider myself as a matured grown up young lady. i have reach the stage where those bad stuff can goes into the Let God Settle It bin. working is becoming a habit even during weekend. lets do it.. i know what i mean..

hypocrite

some people are born with more "kiasu" attitude from the others. i rather think that this is their advantage than the opposite. it would create a very challenging environment where people will work harder to get praises.. but this is not what i want. i don't back-stab and I hate back-stab.. I hate the faking smile by fake people.. today mark a memorable day for a loving couple who gonna tie the knot which shall last for forever..

mukahead light house

it has been almost a year I last went to mukahead light house and that was my first time. this time, i feel awkard. the atmostphere is tense sometimes .. but it was due to my own intepretation. the hiking is easier than any chances before. i am a really mature grown up lady now. can accept how people treat me.. it is their problem, not mine, why should i care? someone told me today that i should love myself more before i start thinking of loving someone else. i agree. it is the most important point i should embedded in my thinking. i tend to miss out the fun when i did things that hurt myself thus spoiling a wonderful event that might occured. past is forgotten, present shall be remembered.

it's complicated

lost the ability to open up and trust men? i guess this is what happened when you see people around you get hurted. they are adjusting to their new life with the most comfortable way.. does angel means anything? it is the highest ranked card anybody would want to get. the world does not seems to understand my personality. cupid is not a good archer. thin girls is harder to get hit by arrows.. so i shall gain a little more weight...

** hatred all within **

i am not sure if what i did is the right thing to do.. am i doing something to please myself rather than believing? young girls are enthusiastic on going after guys of their dream . is it that i am left over to the world behind ? the early 80ties baby? is that by touching and flirting can lure guys attention the most?
in another case, A is a damn conservative female "friend" of mine. she has this bad or negative attitude towards english educated girls. she laughs and plays like kid in front of people. she has a different response towards people that own little value to her. to people that favoured her, she is a playful girl who laugh a lot. but i never see her giving me a real smile. she fakes all her laughters around to make people feel she is a friendly girl. i found another victim to her extreme dictation. the victim confessed it happened to her since university times when she will not entertain her when victim approached her in study problems. she really don't even know how to survive in this congested world.

serendipity

there is a movie called by this name..serendipity. i love the movie. therefore, i watched it a lot of times. but the number still in the count of ten fingers. basically it is a love story telling about two persons who often meet but not face to face. they met six times in the movie before they really got to know each other. what dictionary defined serendipity is the faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident. what fortunate discovery here means is the best moment to be shared when these two person meet each other. accident? yeah.. obviously means they don't know each other in the first place, that it is something that is not planned. i believe in serendipity too.. maybe timing is not that good to make something happened. but god plans something for everybody..

superman..

almost forgotten that there is a friend whom i always referred as superman. this superman calls me sailormoon. dunno from where he got such idea.. guess because i have long slim legs.. maybe.. hehe..

mother's weekend

my university housemates gave me a mug on my 22nd birthday. it was broken yesterday. i kicked it off the stool accidently.. and there it goes.. into pieces. this weekend, mostly people went back to their home sweet home. i stay here, working and enjoying the simple life.. went for a facial wash which originally cost rm55 but were temped by the mother's day promotion which consists of the normal wash plus an eye treatment rising it up to rm88.. i needed so much an eye treatment.. that's how i'd fallen into the catch.. mom must feel lonely this year.. she has lesser people around her now.. yvonne had put on the braces.. haha.. hopefully by the time i see her next time, she is able to eat and laugh again..

...

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember howI can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

Chorus:
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
the night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screamingI try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can'tHow could this happen to me

I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run the night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this lifeI just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
got nowhere to run
the night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

narrow minded

nar·row-mind·ed (nr-mndd)adj.
Lacking tolerance, breadth of view, or sympathy; petty.

I have in my hometown where averagely every week there is robbery at the road junction near my house.
The same place and either happen from 6-7am or 6-7pm.
No action taken by the police to curb this.. no happiness seen at all…
Everywhere there are stealing and injuring..
My mom herself saw a group of Indonesia went into the mini bus and rob the Vietnamese inside. No one take action to help that poor tiny guy..
What kind of world we are living in.. She was more than scare than the rest of people inside because she is one of the little local that still taking mini bus and witnessed the incident.
Hate this bad world… and bad people..

taugeh

after a few reading material, i realised that i've been thinking negatively for the past weeks. There is this law which they called it the law of seeds.. yeah.. to get the thing you want in your life, you need to try more than one attempt, never give up so easily.. the grow an apple tree, why does people plant a bunch of seeds instead only bury one.. not always the one you invest the most will be fruitful.. also no one can decide for the other person's life. i am still young probably .. still a long way to go.. saw in the mirror, i grew a lot since few years back.. when i first came into university, i was a real naive and innocent girl.. everything is so perfect because i have not mix with "bad" people before i left home.. everything were taken care by my parents.. then i was introduced some difficulties which i guess i'd overcome them right now. time past, but the gratefull thing is i grew up into not-so-bad-looking afterall.. i am getting pretty tough nowadays.. u know.. i am taugeh.. harder than tofu.. :P

never judge a book from its cover

never judge a book by its cover, never judge a girl by her appearance and never ever judge a guy by the first impression. i was once conned by the first look and that was the most gentleman guy i would think i've met. time goes by, the true colour shows.. now i had grown up and there is no more fairy tales i guess.. but if there is, who cares if it exists..hehehe.. come on, show me ;) i am just a plain girl who wish to see the sheepish grin on his face.. and the naughty side of him.. huh.. who is him.. now is the time to find out.. yeah.. now is the time.. let us see..

how good if..

how good if:
- pokemon is pink in colour?
- the sky is not so wide.. i need to know the limit..
- the bus that i boarded is not full.. and the direction lead to where i wanted to go?
- the first ride will last forever
- everyone has clue on what they gonna be in the next 3 days..
- babies are not so cute.. and kids aren't so playful.. make me can't resist of not thinking of them..
- my bed is made of flower buds.. and smell like ralph lauren fragrance..
- nobody make up in this world..
- i am someone's someone..

sgoh12

this one is written based on request from a damn mad guy in my workplace. He is a weirdo. He wears a two sided t-shirt that written I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND on one side and I HATE MY GIRLFRIEND on the other side. Also he posted on his instance messenger note that he dunno how to tell her that he does not love her anymore.. Haih.. this guy.. i salute him man..

not as we thought..

bundled with lotsa issues lately..

1. unable to explain what happened to my bosses. they keep on giving me more tasks but tell me not to overwork.. does not make sense.. how to not overwork? when i am overloaded..

2. gotta talk to dad ..

3. stuff does not go smooth as i think.. my expectation does not allign with my direction. i am only a slave to him, the master. i need to lead.. not him.

company dinner

supposingly i can see a lot pretty girls come dazzlingly to the hall of fame in EQ. Wonder if i should dress a lil bit more outstanding than them.. Worry I will look odd.. The gown is long.. but damn.. it does not touch the ground.. my sis is 2 inch shorter . therefore, this is the result from grabbing her gown instead of my cheongsam-silk-clothing .. Haha... hopefully, there is no clash in clothes.. If no, burst of laughters will be heard..

april fool

april fool marks a day for fooling people around.. but to the worst extend, i am not fool by anyone yet today. went to this place called clara for facial wash. when i was asked to rest on the bed, a girl named jacklyn came and took over the washing task.her voice sounds so sweet and tiny, but when the session ended, i found that she is actually a huge size lady.. still she is pretty yet attractive. the day is gloomy and i drove a lot. i am feeling good but i think i need to rest... going back to sleep.. got ice age movie later on at 8++

in the air

wow man.. the flowers bloom again.. i feel like i am the happiest person in the world. he drops by in life to make a sparkling touch to the fairy tale. working is even tiring now.. thinking of wanting to arrive home early.. waiting unpatiently like little kid to seeing him again.. working is indeed different from studying.. no more late nights due to project and assignments, but the late nights now is due to unfinish jobs.. and work load tension.. this week is a tiring week for me. looking at the mirrow, you will see the wide smile hanging from left to right ear .. showing how much happiness is there.. i wanted so much to burst from the small packed world.. and dad is having trouble with his biz.. me as his girl madly wanted to lend him hand.. but the most i can do is to transfer my hardship saving over to him.. just to lessen his burden.. miss mother, father and sisters at home.. wish they all are fine over there > 360 km apart ...